Separation Day #1

We decided to "take a break."

For a week.

I was surprised when he suggested it.

It kind of hurt. But it was the only thing that made sense.

I'm so confused.

The first day hasn't been a ton of help in helping me know what to do.

I feel free.  But I always want to just call him and say, "Let's just get married."  I don't want to give up on it yet.  I don't want to lose the friendship.  I kept thinking today about the future, and he was always in it.  Reading aloud in the car to him.  Celebrating Christmas. Giving him a birthday present.  I don't know. I don't know what I want.  I don't know if I love him enough to marry him.  I don't know I don't know I don't know.

Time to escape to Neverland...

Halloween Musings

I like Halloween.  It's my fourth favorite holiday. (Bet you're wondering what the other 3 are now, huh? too bad!)  

But I'm not dressing up this year.  I don't really have any plans.  Yet.

I kind of want to watch a scary movie.  Or go to a party.  But I don't know of any parties right now.  

Anyway, that's boring.  If I was going to dress up, I would be blackmail.  Dressed all in black with some stamps over my heart or something.  Or a mermaid.  I found a pearlish necklace in my sister's room today that would be perfect for a mermaid costume.  

My friend is running in a 5K tomorrow and dressing as a runaway bride.  She's got a groom to chase her too.

I kind of wish my life was like that.

Tinkerbell's Secret #1-and a few more

I was awful to Peter Pan last night...like really awful.  I was being selfish (what else is new?), and he was trying to understand.  But he just doesn't understand.

You see, we live a distance apart.  It's hard for us to see each other.  I went to see him on Monday, when he was sick.  I just wanted him to come see me, but he had other things to do.  I was being silly.  Selfish.  How can I stop being selfish?

He wants to marry me.  We've looked at rings.  I haven't told anyone that we've looked at rings.  Like actually gone into the jewelers and tried them on.  But I have another secret: I'm not sure I want to marry him.  How are you supposed to feel when you want to get married?  Because I don't feel like I'm in a fairy tale.  I get upset with him a lot.  ...like I did last night.  It's more like a nightmare than a fairy tale when that happens.  I don't want to have a forever with him like that.

Good thing I'm in Neverland now...where I don't have to grow up or make those kinds of decisions.

Tinkerbell in Neverland

Hello! My name is Tinkerbell! I live in Neverland, where nobody ever grows up and nothing ever really hurts you.  Even Captain Hook isn't too scary when you can flit and fly around like I can.

If only I could have somebody flitting and flying around with me.  I guess that's what you get in Neverland...no growing up, no change.

I want change, and I don't want it.

But in Neverland you can have secrets...especially if you are Tinkerbell...and nobody ever finds them out.